Turning Tigers into Kittens
I learned that the key to perseverance is not to pay any attention to whether or not my husband had been changing. My focus should be on my own progress on becoming the person God wanted me to be…
The two ferocious tigers turned back into two loving kittens in no time. I could not believe that a fight between my husband and I could be resolved so fast and easily…
Testimony: Turning Tigers into Kittens (Marriage Turned Around)
For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building… For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (I Corinthians 3:9, 11)
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)
I have been married for four years without children. I consider my husband and myself Christian fanatics as we love and serve the Lord wholeheartedly. Throughout these past four years, the Lord has clearly told me that my priority should be to build an intimate relationship with my husband. But, I did not obey Him at first and plugged myself into the church ministries at full speed. During the first two years of serving in the church, I encountered problem after problem. Whenever I complained to God, He always reminded me of His priority for me. After these two years, I finally realized that it was Him who was holding me back. I began to humble myself and started working on my relationship with my husband.
Even though the Bible teaches us to love the Lord first and then love others as we love ourselves, this is easier said than done. Whenever my husband showed his affection toward me or gave me fancy gifts, I instantly elevated him above God in my heart. But when he turned his affection away from me later on, I was hurt badly. This repetitive cycle frustrated me for years. I gradually understood that when I did not put God first in my life, my relationship with my husband suffered bad consequences as well.
In those days, whenever my husband and I broke into heated arguments, I would lock myself up or spend a night on the couch to punish myself and my husband. We would let the time go by without resolving any of our conflicts. At the lowest point of my life, God sent Pastor Rachel to help me out. Regardless of the distance (we are in Canada and she lives in U.S.), my husband and I had monthly phone counselling sessions with her for a period of time. Pastor Rachel has always been very patient with us and has taught us many principles from the Bible. One of the key passages that impacted us the most is the teaching on Motivational Gifts from Romans 12:3-8. We went through Pastor Rachel’s teaching DVD on this subject and realized that my husband and I have very different perspectives and reactions toward marriage. Based on the teaching, I have the motivational gift of Prophet, whereas my husband’s is Mercy. I started to take notes from Pastor Rachel’s teachings and phone conversations on methods in implementing this truth in my marriage while praying for God to intervene.
My personality, formed out of my motivational gift in Prophet, and my harsh upbringing make me look tough on the outside, but I’m actually constantly hurting on the inside. For all my life, I hated being weak and forbid myself from crying. But Pastor Rachel encouraged me to rejoice always (Philippians 3:1, 4:4; I Thessalonians 5:16), be myself (Psalms 51:6), and pour out my emotions before God (I Samuel 1:15; Psalms 62:8)! As I began to exercise these three areas, I became more joyful and content. My emotions started to stabilize and fluctuate less around my husband. However, it has been a long process to change myself from the inside out. I had failed many times and I consistently needed to rely on God’s help. I learned that the key to perseverance is not to pay any attention to whether or not my husband had been changing. My focus should be on my own progress on becoming the person God wanted me to be!
After a few months of continually exercising God’s truth in the three areas that Pastor Rachel had pointed out to me, they became easier and easier. Whenever I got emotional, I could naturally pour out my heart before the Lord (Psalm 62:8; Psalm 109; 1Samuel 1:15). Once that was done, my perspective changed and I could choose to be joyful by God’s grace. This allowed me to be myself more and more before God and others, since my emotion could no longer dictate my behaviour.
About six months later, a milestone event of my life surfaced. My husband and I quarrelled over a trivial manner as usual. A few minutes into our fight, we turned into ferocious tigers attacking each other. Finally, my husband threw a harsh word at me and went to take shower. Whenever we fought prior to this, we would always end with not speaking to each other for the day, leaving the issues unresolved. But this time, while he was still in the shower, I processed my emotions and tried to change my perspective as I sat relaxed on the couch, reading some news and jokes on my cell phone. Five minutes later, he came out of shower and calmly took care of the issue that started our fight. I suddenly realized that he too had changed quite a bit over the past few months. I quickly decided that I needed to interact with him as a new creation in Christ as well. Based on his motivational gift of Mercy, physical touch is very important to him. So, I moved over to his side of the sofa and rested my head upon his shoulder. Instantly, he put his arm around me and leaned toward me. The two ferocious tigers turned back into two loving kittens in no time.
I could not believe that a fight between my husband and I could be resolved so fast and easily. Given my personality of Prophet, I would have never engaged in physical touch with my husband when I am upset at him. But when we understood the differences between our God-given personalities, we learned to speak each other’s language instead of insisting our own. As a result, we not only could resolve different issues fast and easily, but we also could appreciate each other a lot more due to our changed perspectives. We still fight from time to time after that milestone event. However, instead of being totally destructive, our fights became very constructive and even fun at times.
Two days ago, I woke up in a bad mood and started picking on my husband again. Instead of talking back at me, he tolerated me for a while. Then he suddenly told me, “You do not need to apologize to me later on, for I have forgiven you.” I got upset at him for saying this. Ten minutes later, I felt sorry for my bad temper and apologized to him just as he had predicted. And we both broke into big laughter. Three hours later, a prophetic word was given to us at church. God told us, “Previously, I had closed many doors before you. Now that you have learned to be obedient, many new doors will start to open up for you.”
I was moved by this confirmation. Our Lord is faithful and miraculous! He knew that my husband and I tend to give up easily. Therefore, in His wonderful wisdom, He sent Pastor Rachel, who has the motivational gift of exhortation, to help us out. She not only encouraged and guided us with Biblical truth, but she also prayed for us faithfully. She was committed to walking with us until we reached a breakthrough. During this journey, I learned how to keep marriage according to God’s way. But most importantly, I have also learned to appreciate the uniqueness and beauty of each person as the Lord has created him/her.
I Corinthians 3:9 and 11 says, “ For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building… For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” And Ephesians 2:10 tells us, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Only when we are built up according to His will, can He use us for His good works.
May all glory, honor, and power be unto our God and Lord Jesus forever! Amen.
Helen Xu, Vancouver, Canada - July 9th of 2014
(Translated from Chinese by May Tan & Rachel Hsu. Edited by Sarah Pan.)